A blonde was on her way to the airport until she saw a sign that said the airport left...
So she turned around and went home...
Friday, January 26, 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
New Curtains
A Blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman,
"I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."
The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains.
He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to be having a hard time choosing. Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs. The blonde promptly replies, "fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"
The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for her computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "But Miss, computers do not need curtains!"
The blonde says, "Hellllooooooooo...... I've got Windoooooows!"
"I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."
The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains.
He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to be having a hard time choosing. Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs. The blonde promptly replies, "fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"
The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for her computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "But Miss, computers do not need curtains!"
The blonde says, "Hellllooooooooo...... I've got Windoooooows!"
Saturday, January 20, 2007
A Blonde goes horseback riding
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and
the horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins
to slide from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane,
but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around
the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away
from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has
become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the
horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and
over.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away
from unconsciousness when to her great fortune.....
lessons nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and
the horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins
to slide from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane,
but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around
the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away
from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has
become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the
horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and
over.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away
from unconsciousness when to her great fortune.....
She was Soooooooo Blonde
She was Soooooooo Blonde .
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."
* She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
* She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
* She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
* She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."
AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:
She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."
* She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
* She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
* She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
* She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."
AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:
She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
Casino blonde
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table.
A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet $20,000
on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier
when I'm completely nude."
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice
and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and
squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her
winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally,
one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other
answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet $20,000
on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier
when I'm completely nude."
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice
and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and
squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her
winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally,
one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other
answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
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